


Small, Cold Towns

by Narryfavoritejiall



Category: British Actor RPF, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Anal Sex, First Time, Humor, M/M, Older Man/Younger Man, RPF, Rough Sex, Sad Ending, Semi-Public Sex, So they're not actors, Tom is seventeen, Unhealthy Relationships, i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-01-29 03:28:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12622140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narryfavoritejiall/pseuds/Narryfavoritejiall
Summary: It started as a pristine and uncorrupted —Even, innocent crush. Just pure admiration and idolization towards the older man. But, soon it turned subverted and erotic, a guilty pleasure that he got whenever he thought of him.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I found myself liking this ship and I realized that there aren't enough fics in this fandom, so let's change that! 
> 
> English isn't my first language and I'll accept constructive criticism:)
> 
> Warnings: underage sex, underage drinking and unhealthy relationships. 
> 
> That being said, hope you enjoy!

He was amazed since the first day that he saw  _him_. With the big boots, thick jacket and that old and worned out beanie that pissed Tom off every time he saw him wearing it. He still remembers his fingers  _actually_ twitching at wanting to touch when he stared for too long at the blond beard with a few grey hairs on it — _God,_ the man could be his father. That thrilling thought made him shiver at the affirmation when his dad made Ryan introduced himself shortly and even bitterly at all of the co-workers. Tom stood quietly in the corner of the small working place as he listened to that tall man speak lowly, his own stomach clenching at something his didn't recognized.

 

"What has gotten into you, boy?" 

 

His father asked one day when Tom keep finding an excellent excuse for each day of the week to be at his dad's work and 'help' in the making of the wood. 

 

He wanted to be present everyday, just to see Ryan taking the heavy clothes off until he was in a thin white shirt as he went from side to side to cut and carry the wood away. Because —God damn that ridiculous Canadian man with the big arms that decided to stay in a small English town that Tom was  _now_ starting to like.

 

Tom begin sitting in his dad's office, to have the glass as protection and just to fool his mind into thinking that  _no one_ could tell that he was staring; when his face was almost becoming one with the window because at how close he kept standing and Tom decided to start sitting in the corner, in that old and uncomfortable chair, but the view was his only reward, mostly when Ryan started noticing him and smirking just a bit when Tom was caught staring, he would turn around with red cheeks and a racing heart.

 

The first thing that he would do after school was to eat in the small cafeteria and take the bus to his father's work. The rivers and lakes were starting to freeze and snow was starting to form in the edges of the streets and in the 'stop' signs. He was starting to wear his thickest jacket that he hated the most, but it was the only one that prevent him form sneezing to much and shivering. 

 

Noise, yells and laughs always welcomed him when he entered the large workshop. He has grown used to the scraping of the cutting machines, the handsaws grinding against wood and the hammers hitting the metallic nails. Tom used to put on his earphones and  and turn in circles in his dad's leather chair to distract himself from the constant noise, but now he barely notice it with his eyes focused on Ryan.

 

The first time that Ryan actually spoke a word to him and looked at him in the eyes for more than four seconds was when Tom was leaning in a wall, hot chocolate in hand, the one that the workers brought and gave him along with cookies that one of the wifes cooked. He was eating and drinking foolishly, with distracted bites and sips as his eyes traveled from the small t.v in the wall to the blond man; he was oblivious at his _obvious_ gaze and he jumped slightly and dropped half of his ginger cookie when a single whistle was thrown at his way and hazel eyes were looking at him up an down.

 

" _Kid!_ "

 

"Huh?" Tom turned around and then pointed at himself when the other was still looking at him.

 

"Yes, you. C'mere, kid." 

 

And — _Holy shit._ Was this really the moment that his secret crush was choosing to speak a word to him.  _Now?_ Now that he had crumbles in the corners of his mouth and chocolate all over his teeth? Tom felt his cheeks getting hot and he took off his beanie as he started walking towards the man that was still looking at him with a funny stare, plump lips pursing and eyebrows frowning a bit when Tom got close enough until he could see the sweat on his forehead. The boy coughed and looked away when Ryan straightened and dropped a thin wood plank im the working table.

 

"Why are looking so scared, boy?" He nodded at him, "I ain't gonna hurt ya."

 

Tom stuttered slightly and shook his head, " _No —_ I don't— I'm not scared."

 

"Good," The older man grinned and Tom found himself stretching his lips just a bit —His eyes averted towards the uncovered arms that he has been looking from a far and now his chest felt like clenching when he looked quickly at the small scars and brown hairs; he looked up quickly when the other coughed slightly.

 

"You called me, sir?" He asked and started to shift his feet in nervousness.

 

"I need your help—" Ryan frowned and pointed at him, then asked, "Thomas, right? You're Dominic's son, yeah?"

 

"I —uh— is actually just Tom," The boy gulped and nodded.

 

"Okay,  _Just Tom_ ," Ryan grinned and slapped his shoulder, "You're willing to help me," He affirmed.

 

"Yeah, sure," Tom shrugged, "In doing what?" 

 

"Just hold the end of the wood, kid," Ryan sighed, "The other assholes are too busy watching the ' _football_ ' game and eating — _And,_ " He pointed with a finger at the wood laying on the table, "This fucking thing keeps falling off every time I try to cut though it." 

 

The boy covered his mouth with his fingers and giggled quietly. Ryan smiled slightly, eyes flicking quickly up and down, "You're gonna drink that, kid?" He pointed at the small cup in his hand. 

 

"No," Tom shook his head and rolled his eyes, "And, I'm not a kid." 

 

The blond man raised his eyebrows, "You're aren't?" He grabbed the cup from his hands and took a big gulp. Tom stood still, lowering his hand and watching the other finishing the hot chocolate quickly, throat moving up and down and jaw clenching; Tom coughed and looked away for a second with tainted cheeks. Ryan winked at him and placed the cup in the table, "How old are you then, Tom?"

 

"Seventeen," The boy said, "And you, sir?" 

 

"Oh, you don't wanna know that," Ryan chuckled and motion with his hands for Tom to grab the end of the wood plank, "And, stop calling me sir,  _kid._ I'm already old — _Do not_ make me feel older," He raised his eyebrows and pointed at him before grabbing the handsaw and wood, "Hold tight." 

 

"You're not old —Well, you don't look thatold," Tom grinned, leaning half of his body on the wood to stop it from moving too much, he watched the man started to cut through the material roughly, making an screeching sound. 

 

The blond man gave a sarcastic laugh, he quoted, "I don't look  _that_ old." 

 

"Your grey hairs gives it away." 

 

Ryan gave him a distracted gaze before going back to look at his hand cutting, he chuckled quietly, "You're already getting out of your comfort zone, huh, Tom?" 

 

He looked down fast and shook his head, he cringed, "That's not what—"

 

"Hey," Tom looked up again when the movements stopped and he found the man smiling at him, "It's ok, kid. Stop worrying your pretty little head over there." 

 

The boy smiled widely.

 

"In fact —It's nice to hear Dominic's kid say something other than ' _Yes, dad.' 'No, dad.'_ and  _'Bye, dad.'_ " Ryan said in a mocking voice.

 

"I don't talk like that," Tom rolled his eyes playfully.

 

"Yes, you do," The man widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows, "I don't even have to look up from the damn wood when you arrive, saying hi to everyone with that squeaky voice of yours," He chuckled.

 

"I'm still growing!" The boy defended, "My voice will change." 

 

"Maybe — _But,_ I like it though," Ryan shrugged, smiling when the other blushed, "It's kinda intriguing.  _You_ _are_ kinda intriguing, kid," Tom looked down with a smile and played with the cracks of the wood, "Standing behind the king's glass and looking at your surroundings like they're the best  _goddamn_ thing."

 

"I don't—" 

 

"It's ok, boy. I like it when you look at me doing my gracious work." 

 

Tom almost gasped and run away with warm ears, he stood pale and still but then Ryan started laughing, "What—"

 

"I'm messing with you, Tom," The man shook his head, grabbing a nail from the table and throwing at him, "Lighten up, come on." 

 

The boy sighed and threw the nail back at him, "What a humor you have." 

 

"I'm Canadian, what did you expected?" Ryan raised his arms. Tom smiled slowly when the other didn't look away from his direction, his stomach clenched at something unknown when Ryan observed him with an intended glance, he mumbled, "You're a funny kid, Tom.  _Now,_ let's get back to work!"

 

-

 

 Since the first time that they talked Peter got rid of all the prejudices against the man. He remembers being intimidated and even  _scared_ whenever he thought about him or look at him. He used to get so nervous when his father asked him to take something to him or tell him something, mostly when the man would barely look at him and just nod shortly before going back to work. Tom used to think that Ryan didn't liked him, even though whenever he found him staring he would smile a little and wave at Tom, before laughing at his red face and body scurrying away from the corner and into his dad's office; that was the only kind interaction they would have until that day that he asked for his help.

 

But, his heart warmed in happiness when Ryan started saying his whenever he walked into the workshop and smiling more often at him. Tom watched him — _Of course,_ he watched him. He watched him when it was break time and all the employees would gather in the tables to eat and talk loudly. Tom started gaining hope when each day that passed Ryan would be already looking at him from a far and then turning around to laugh with his mates. 

 

The help in cutting the wood was often and Tom wasn't stupid enough to not notice that the other called for his help even when he didn't need it —Like that time that Ryan was obviously not struggling with his assignments and called  _'kid!'_ for Tom to come over and  _that_ time Ryan let him cut the wood not only held it, staying close behind him that only made the boy shuddered secretly at the way Ryan was telling him what to do and sometimes he lean on his back slightly to show him how to hold the saw. 

 

Tom went home that night and squeezed his legs together to force his hand to not touch himself.

 

It started as a pristine and uncorrupted —Even,  _innocent_ crush. Just pure admiration and idolization towards the older man. But, soon it turned subverted and erotic, the guilty pleasure that he got whenever he thought of him was present when Tom started waking up with morning woods, painfully pressing against the elastic band of his underwear and belly. He ignored them,  _god,_ he  **try** to ignored them. Not even a freezing shower, disgusting thoughts or pinching his arms could make them go away; not when he couldn't stop thinking Ryan ans his big arms and breath against his neck. He would end up turning on his stomach and rubbing his cock in the soft sheets, digging his face in the pillow and biting the fabric to silence his sighs and whimpers —For fuck sake, his parents where downstairs having breakfast.

 

Ryan always was in the dark of his mind when he closed his eyelids and he couldn't help when he gave a little hidden gasp and came with his legs tensing and hands gripping the sheets. Tom stood up with trembling legs and rosy cheeks signaling embarrassment; he cleaned his underwear in the bathroom sink quickly when his mom called him to get breakfast.

 

The  _things_ that the older man could do to him where always on Tom's fantasies. 

 

Those fantasies that came when he couldn't sleep late at night, when he was at the boring class of chemistry in school or when he was looking at Ryan make thatface when he was concentrated that drove Tom crazy with the scrunched eyebrows, parted mouth and clenching jaw; God, he liked to imagine that the man would make  _that_ face when he has Tom bend over the work table or what it would be like to get on his knees and do what he waslearning when he watched the porn videos under his covers and with a heart beating fast—God,  _just_ his fantasies.

 

Because a — _Hey, Ryan. Could I maybe suck your dick in the employees bathroom?—_ was a goddamn  _No-no._

 

Tom found himself falling for something - _someone-_ that he thought that he couldn't have a chance, because there was no  _fucking_ way that a man twice his age would look down at a kid that was obviously too immature and childish to actually talk without stuttering or look at the man in the eyes without blushing. But, the expectation and hope came unexpectedly just when Tom's birthday was close to come and he was planning to drink secretly cheap vodka with Harrison and his friends.

 

He felt himself arriving to fool's paradise when for the first time that he saw Ryan somewhere that wasn't his dad's shop. Tom was walking in the sidewalk, hoodie all the way up to his head and jacket tight around him, his scarf was around his neck, but all that protection from the cold seemed like it wasn't working when the freezing wind and small dropes of snow were hitting his face constantly as his hide his hands inside his pockets, he was making his way over to the subway station that was two blocks away when he heard a loud honk and a car started parking beside him slowly. 

 

And, now —His parents have always told to not speak with strangers on the streets, but  _this_ was no damn stranger. Ryan's face came visible when the window of the truck rolled down and Tom breathed in quickly and stopped dead in his track.

 

" _Tom_." 

 

"Hey," The boy nodded once when he refused to pull his hands out of the warmth of his jacket, he looked at the hazel eyes and smile just a little.

 

"What are you doing here walking alone with this fucking weather?" Ryan asked with a confused expression. 

 

"Was on my way home," Tom shrugged, "I just came from a friend's house." 

 

"Right," The older man asked, after a few seconds of silence, he spoke and waved his hand, "Well, hope in, kid. It looks like the weather is gonna get worse."

 

The boy looked at his side, contemplating and hesitating —Jesus _,_ Ryan Reynolds, his dad's employee and the guy that he has been wanking for over a month was offering him a ride home? — ** _Fuck yes_**. He nodded quickly and run towards the other side of the old truck; the door squealed and it was heavy on his hands when he struggled to open it, his jaw trembled and he knew that his lips were probably blue from the cold. Tom sighed when the man noticed and turned on the heater.

 

"Here," Ryan said as he started the car and grabbed the jacket that was in between them, "Take it. I don't wanna explain my boss why his son died of hypothermia."

 

"Thanks, Ryan," He mumbled shyly and took it with shaky hands.

 

"You're heading home right?" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"You live close to your pap's shop right?" The blond man asked.

 

"Like a block away, yeah," Tom nodded.

 

"Look," Ryan nudged his arm and then pointed outside the foggy window, "The weather is turning shittier by the minute and I can't really see when the sun is going down."

 

The boy nodded and looked outside his window, "It's snowing more." 

 

Ryan cleared his throat, "My place is not far from here, we can hang there for a bit while the sky and streets clear for a bit," He looked at him, "You ok with that?"

 

Tom turned his head rapidly around and looked at the man with wide eyes, his mouth let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding and he nodded shortly and skeptically, "Sure —Cool, thanks."

 

"Your parents would be ok with that?" The older man raised his eyebrows, "Because, I don't really wanna look like some perv—"

 

" _No! —_ I mean," He cleared his throat, "It's fine, really. I'm gonna text them and tell them that I'm still in friend's house."

 

"You sure? We can take a risk and drive you home—"

 

"Ryan," The boy placed an hand on the others arm, he held his fingers for a few seconds on the strong flesh and then retrieved it with a racing heart, " _It's ok._ Besides, I don't feel like going home just yet. I have to clean my room," He cringed. 

 

"Oh, Lord —The teenage days," Ryan sighed sarcastically and smiled, "Fine. Hope you like KFC left overs, kid."

 

Tom smiled widely and stayed in comfortable silence until they were outside Ryan's house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. The Beginning Of The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But he tried to ignore it as he kissed Ryan desperately, hoping that it wasn't going to be the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, I went way too long with this chapter and I think no one is reading this fic but whatevs, I love this ship.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Warnings: smut.
> 
> By the way, thanks to Jokersbeast for helping me to give direction to make this chapter, this chap is for you<3

He knew that it can _seriously_  look bad or wrong, that maybe the neighbors raised eyebrows at the adolescent that got out of Ryan's old truck and he couldn't help thinking of his father and what he would think if he found out that on if his workers took  _his_ oldest son home —even if it was for a  _total_ and innocent matter— But, he put that in the back of his mind when Ryan took Tom's jacket off and placed it in the back of a chair, his heart beat stupidly fast at his own nervous hands as he smiled loosely at the man. 

 

Ryan shortly and boredly showed him around the house. It was a small place and Tom wondered if his bedroom was upstairs; Ryan only showed him the kitchen and living room. He stood in the living room looking at the movies organized in stacks in the floor.

 

"You have a nice place, Ryan," He mumbled as he lifted a movie and read the back of the package.

 

"Thanks, kid."

 

Moving boxes were still scarred in the corners and in the middle of the hallway, he stumbled with one and blushed at the other's laugh, he saw this picture of Ryan with a pretty blonde lady beside him, smiling and hugging eachother. The disappointment that he felt was inevitable, he knew,  _yes,_ he knew that a chance to be or do anything with Ryan could be just in his fantasies and late night sleeps, but that certain expectation and hope sometimes was  _too_ present —Tom placed the picture with a clenching stomach and a frown. 

 

"You have a lot of movies. How is that even possible?" Tom asked when Ryan stood beside him in the living room.

 

"I've been collecting them since DVDs became a thing," Ryan shrugged as he put an arm on the other's shoulders, "It's all good stuff, boy. Here—"

 

" _Yeah,_ but most of this movies are on Netflix," The boy laughed, "Why spend money on movies if you have Netflix?"

 

The older man closed his eyes and shook his head, "God, I beg you; please give me patience with this new generation." 

 

Tom smiled widely when Ryan winked at him and ruffled his hair playfully before pulling away and patting his back, "You hungry, Tom?" 

 

"Kinda," The younger boy shrugged.

 

"Come on," Ryan motioned for him to follow him, "Let's fill our system with cholesterol and alcohol — _Well,_ the alcohol goes for me, though. At seventeen,  _you_ shouldn't - _can't-_ be drinking." 

 

He shook his head quickly, sitting down in one of the wood chairs that were around the kitchen island, "My birthday is in two weeks, so  _practically_  I'm eighteen."

 

"No — _Legally_ you're illegal, still. So," The blond man shrugged as he opened the fridge and look inside, "You're stuck with drinking Pepsi tonight and — _Wow,_ " He raised his eyebrows and read the label of soda can, "I think this shit is too old. In that case, you're stuck with drinking water then, kid."

 

Tom giggled when Ryan threw the can in the garbage, "Do you even have real food in that thing?"

 

Ryan looked at him over his shoulder as he pulled out the KFC container, "Does beer and Skittles count?" 

 

"You put Skittles in the fridge?" The brown eyed boy grimaced.

 

"What can I say? I like them hard," Ryan shrugged again with a bored expression as he put a six-pack of beer in the counter. _And_ —Tom avoided to widen his eyes and gasp— he just gulped slightly and clenched his legs together secretly behind the island, because; what the  _actual_ shit? Was Ryan's answer supposed to come out  ** _that_** unintentionally dirty? 

 

Tom lowered his gaze when the other noticed his tension and frowned slightly. He prayed to God that Ryan didn't notice the meaning behind his own words and he hoped that he didn't know how uneasy and anxious he was making Tom feel; he coughed to make his awkwardness go unnoticed, " _So..._ I'm allowed to drink with you. At least one beer?"

 

Ryan scoffed and turned around to open the cabinets, "Keep dreaming, kid."

 

"Come one, man. Is not like I've never drink any kind of alcohol," Tom groaned, "Listen, my dad sometimes let me have a beer when the family is over  _and_ when I hang out with my friends, this older mate that has an I.D _always_ buy this cheap and awful vodka that somehow gets you going and—" He stopped himself from rambling nonsense when he saw Ryan smiling amusingly at him and placing a plate with chicken infront of him.

 

"Little Tommy boy ain't daddy's golden child like we all think, huh?" The older man chuckled and motioned to the food, "Dig in. I would heat it, but my microwave broke down." 

 

"It's fine. Thanks, Ryan," Tom smiled, watching the other starting to eat the chicken on his own plate fastly and messily, "Just one beer?" he raised his eyebrows when Ryan pointed a finger at him for a few moments and spoke loudly after swallowing down the food.

 

"So, what's up with your urge of drinking  _this_ cheap beer that I happened to have?" 

 

"Please?" The younger boy faked a pout amd extended his hand to touch the other's forearm, "Ryan —Pretty please?"

 

"Don't give me those eyes, kid," Ryan chuckled, "I might give up."

 

"Just one beer and I'll shut up and I can say that you're the coolest guy ever."

 

" _Ha —_ I do wanna be classified as the coolest guy ever by Tom Holland," He said sarcastically and with a dramatic eye roll, he continued, "The son of the owner of — _That_ by the way your father - _my_ boss- could send me to jail right now. We can thank the shitty weather for our rare circumstances." 

 

Tom looked at the alcoholic drink in the other's hand and then back at the hazel eyes, he mumbled, "Just  _one_?" 

 

Ryan sighed and straightened up in his chair, "Your parents are probably wondering where you are. So eat that chicken, so I can drive you home, Tom."

 

"As far as I know; my parents think that I'm still at my friend's house."

 

"But, you're not, so—"

 

"One beer isn't gonna hurt." 

 

The older man dropped the fork on his plate and clenched his eyes, " _Jesus fuck._ You just don't get tired do you?"

 

Tom smirked playfully and shook his head.

 

Ryan contemplated him for a minute, frowning slightly and pursing his lips, he sighed after and shrugged, "What the fuck? One beer isn't gonna hurt."

 

The younger boy smiled when Ryan opened the beer for him and placed it beside his plate slowly, looking at it then at Tom with a grimace, "What?"

 

"I'm giving alcohol to a minor. When did I became this person?" Ryan groaned and threw his head back.

 

"Since you decided to be cool?" Tom giggled and tool a small sip of the beer, scowling at the taste slightly.

 

Ryan shrugged and went back to eat, "Just don't tell your dad."

 

-

 

He didn't know how the fuck Ryan let him drink that much, but he did, and his heart was pounding like his vision was a little blurry. They ended up in the living room, Ryan listened with a smile at Tom's non-stop conversation, nodding and laughing occasionally, when Tom tried to take another sip from his beer, he frown and whined when the man shook his head and took away the bottle.

 

When he was feeling light-headed, he stopped talking and he could feel the other's eyes on him, he played with his own buttons of his shirt, opening one accidentally and when he looked up he found Ryan following his hand movements, he turned away quickly when Tom smirked at him.

 

"You want me to take it off?" He mumbled slightly.

 

"What?" Ryan widened his eyes and then laughed, pointing at Tom, "Funny."

 

"I'm gonna take it off. I'm hot," He unbuttoned his flannel slowly, with dumb fingers, noticing the way Ryan's breath hitched. 

 

"Tom—"

 

The boy ignored him until he was in only just his black shirt that he had underneath, he could feel the tension in the air and he didn't know if he was gonna be rejected, but the alcohol in his system made him a bit reckless.

 

Tom looked down for a moment, watching Ryan's hand on the couch getting closer to his, he licked his lips and found again the hazel eyes; the mumble of the voices coming from the TV sounded low when he leaned in quickly and pecked Ryan's cheek, he was expecting a hand on his chest or on his shoulder, but the man was looking at him with an uncertain expression and his shoulders seemed tensed. Tom leaned his head again and got closer to kiss again the other's cheek, he kept kissing it quickly and then down his jaw.

 

"Tom—" Ryan coughed and moved his face away softly, holding a hand up to caress the boy's cheek, "Stop this, kid. You're not on your right mind." 

 

"But,  _I am,_ " Tom breathed through his nose, "I am, Ryan. I just —  _please —_ "

 

"No," The blond man was about to stand up, but he stopped him by holding the front of his shirt, "Tom, stop it—"

 

" _Shh..._ " Tom kissed his cheek again, starting to climb into his lap cautiously, "We can — it's fine," He held the other's arms and frowned when they were firmed and unmoving, he noticed then that Ryan's face was turned away from him and his lips were sealed tight, "Ryan, you can touch me. It's fine," He slurred slightly.

 

"You're drunk and stupid," Ryan shook his head and tried to push him off, "Now, get off, before someone gets in trouble." 

 

"I'm not dru—" The brown eyed boy was about to protest, but he closed his mouth when Ryan looked at him with dangerous eyes and the vein on his forehead was prominent.

 

"You can barely talk, Tom, come on," He sighed frustratedly, putting his hands in the other's hips to push him off.

 

"I want  _this_."

 

Ryan looked at him without blinking when he stated loudly, Tom avoided to not grin when the other softened the grip on his hips and stopped pushing him away, his breath was uneven and he looked alerted, "Tom, don't." 

 

The boy ignored him, leaning his head down again and brushing his lips on Ryan's chin, the beard tickled him as he kept pecking wherever he could find, when he bit slightly his jaw, Ryan suck in a breath as to sober up and parted away quickly, but Tom gripped the sides of his face and kissed his lips harshly, surprising himself and Ryan, he sighed when the other didn't try to pull away, he rested pliant and comfortable on his lap as they kissed, the experienced licks inside his mouth and the strong grip on his hips made him realize that — _Indeed,_ it was all going too fast, but he shrugged it off.

 

Ryan groaned when Tom palmed his dick through his jeans, gripping it in a small hand and trying to open the jeans, he grinned when the man opened them for them and spread his legs to pull his dick out. Tom stroked him quickly and moaned at the warm flesh on his face, he looked down, resting his forehead in the other's chin as he looked at the cock in his hand, looking  _better_ that he ever imagined, he was about to get on his knees in the carpet and try to succeed in his first blow job ever, but Ryan pushed him in his back and grinned against him.

 

" _Oh_ ," Tom moaned in surprise when he felt the pressure on his cock and saw the man taking his tshirt off; he dragged his hands up and down his chest and back, squeezing and trying to memorize.

 

"Tell me what do you want," Ryan asked, "I need consent, Tom." 

 

"Yeah,  _yeah —_ I want —" The boy sighed nervously, "I want you?"

 

"You want me?" Ryan imitated his asking tone and frowned slightly.

 

Tom hardened his expression and thrusted his hips up, he said breathlessly, "I want you. I want you to fuck  _me,_ Ryan."

 

It took a few seconds before the older man nodded and gulped and it took a few seconds before he got Tom out of his clothes, taking his jeans away roughly and throwing them aside until he was only in his socks and underwear, his cock straining against the fabric and creating a wet patch on top, he was letting himself being manhandled when Ryan moved him and touched him as if he was a ragdoll and he enjoyed when the man positioned himself on top of him, in between Tom that spread his legs so invitingly and hugged his broad shoulders.

 

After a few minutes of kissing and grinding, the older man spoke.

 

"Please tell me you've done this before," Ryan whispered against his lips slowly.

 

Tom shook his head, passing almost unnoticed, Ryan let out a curse and squeezed his hips harshly as he kissed the boy deeper and wetly.

 

"Never?" He repeated.

 

"No," The boy opened his eyes and when he saw the other's mortified expression, he lifted his hand and caressed his cheek softly, "It's fine, Ryan, really. I — _Ryan—_ " He kissed his lips when the man shook his head, "It really is fine. I want this." 

 

Ryan nodded slowly, a uncertain expression on his face, he motioned Tom's underwear, "Take this off, then."

 

Tom breathing in, lifting his hips to get rid of the fabric, blushing furiously when his erection jumped slightly against his stomach, he watched ryan stood up and pull down his unbuttoned jeans, Tom stared with lust at the way his muscles flex in the dimmed light and at his cock that was standing in the air.

 

"Shit, I don't— wait here. I'm gonna get the lube from upstairs," Ryan coughed awkwardly and walked away hurriedly out of the room.

 

 _Holy fuck._ This was really happening, isn't? 

 

Tom dropped his head back against the couch, gripping his own hair in a try to calm down and not back away from this, because, it was Ryan and he wouldn't hurt him. He laid in silence for a few minutes —drobably just  _one,_ but it felt like a lot to him— and looked at the ceiling, drumming his fingers against his stomach. Ryan scared him when he arrived, smiling down at the boy and taping his left legs.

 

"Give me some room," He mumbled and Tom parted his legs shakily to let the man position himself between them.

 

They kissed hotly again, Tom moaned silently and embarrassingly at the firm and heavy weight on top of him, he shuddered when the other's erection grazed his slightly. Ryan bit his lips once and started to kiss down his jaw and neck with an opened mouth, licking and nibbing wetly, making Tom move his head aside to give him more room, his own hands rested hesitantly in the man's forearms.

 

It was like if he couldn't keep up with the Ryan's movements, whenever Tom was kissing him slowly, the other kissed him harshly, or when he was gripping slightly his shoulders, Ryan fondled his sides and thighs strongly and authoritative and —Tom was  _falling_ for that, he was surprised at his own actions at how pliant and docile he was being, letting himself being touch and grip in places that nobody had ever touch him there. He gasped when Ryan sucked on the side of his neck; the only hickey that he has ever received was from Harrison when they were fooling one night in the garage, late at night, claiming that they wanted practice, solely for experiment, but Tom couldn't deny that he enjoyed his friend's hand on his waist and his tongue in his mouth.

 

Ryan parted away breathlessly and mumbled against hus mouth, "I'm gonna make this so good for you, baby." 

 

Tom was about to speak, but his words got stuck when the sight infront of him only appeared on his wet dreams, he watched with a chest rising up and down Ryan kissing and licking down his sternum and belly quickly, biting the skin and hard muscle underneath, his stomach quivered when Ryan got closer to his cock and fuck  _him_ if he was was gonna get a blow job tonight; the man licked the tip slowly, moving his tongue in circles and Tom opened his mouth but no sound came, he only stared with wet eyes at the ceiling, his hands were useless so with one he gripped the edge of the couch, knuckles turning white, his fingers and nails hurt from the tight grip, but he ignored it when Ryan suck the head in.

 

He didn't dare to look down because he knew that if he looked down, he would come right there with the sight of the man sucking his cock, he stayed with blinking furiously, not knowing what to do with the newfound pleasure. Ryan pulled away, chuckling against his pelvis, he licked and sniffed into the soft brown hairs in Tom's pubic bone, sometimes stopping to kiss his cock longingly, "God, you smell so good," He groaned, "Like a desperate virgin that uses way  _too much_ soap. Were you planning this, Tom? Did you get all cleaned up for me?" 

 

The boy shook his head quickly, mind going numb, "No, I — _no._ I didn't even know I was gonna see you today. Fuck, I didn't  _even_ know that  _this_ was gonna happen."

 

Ryan chuckled again and tongued his hips prominent bones and belly, "So, that's your normal hygiene? Because —There is no  _way_ that a highschool boy smell like lavanda soap and roses and shit. Did you stole it from you mother?"

 

"Ryan," Tom covered his heating face with his arm, " _Stop._ "

 

"Lighten up kid," He mumbled, "You look so pretty blushing for me. Take that arm away from your face. I wanna see it." 

 

The boy lifted his arm slowly at the firm command and placed it beside him, he found Ryan's hazel eyes looking up at him with dilated, dark pupils  _and —_ That's why he didn't want to look down because he knew that the sight was gonna break him when Ryan was there, in between his widened legs, face close to his dick and lips shinning with spit. 

 

Ryan kiss his inner thigh and smiled softly at him, all of the boy's worries went away and he relaxed his muscles, he smiled back shyly and sighed when the other grabbed the leg that was hanging of the couch and placed it up in his chest. Tom was about to protest of why the  _fuck_ he didn't get a proper blow job, but Ryan's next actions cut whatever thought that crossed his mind.

 

"Wait! —Ryan,  _no,_ I'm not—" Tom gasped and lifted his head when the man started to lap with his tongue at his rim, moving ever so slowly and sensually that it got the boys searching for air, because,  _shit;_ never in a million years he had thought that he was going to get eaten out on his first time. He gained composure and rested on his elbows, trying to pull away, "Ryan, please. I'm not —" He huffed, cheeks flustering in embarrassment, "Fuck —I'm not  _shaved_."

 

The man parted away with a frown and a confused expression, his lips were swollen and red and Tom cursed himself from skipping his weekly hour of shaving himself down  _there._ He groaned and flopped back down when Ryan laughed throatily, "You think that I  _give_ a fuck, Tom? An ass is an ass and besides, if it makes you feel better, you don't have that much of a bush, so it's nice," He shrugged.

 

Tom's hips stuttered when the other went back to lick him and he suppressed the smile that wanted to come to his lips at what Ryan said. The hand that was pressing his own leg against his chest felt warm and he looked down with halfclosed eyes, but looked back up hurriedly and clenched his eyes. He tried to ignore the embarrassment and awkwardness, but,  _Jesus Christ,_ he did was getting his ass eating and he wasn't used to the exposure that came with the fact of being in such and _vulnerable_  position.

 

But — _Fuck that,_ because Ryan was making him feel over the moon with the licks and sucking on his rim, he was arching his back just a bit everytime that Ryab tried to breach inside, it was  _too_ hot, everything, the way that Ryan's warm breath came against him, the wetness and feathery touches with his tongue. Tom went back to grip the edge of the couch and his other hand pushed the man's head closer to him, he started moaning softly and shyly since that moment that Ryan tongued up and down on his hole, he gave little sighs and whimpers, he didn't  _even_ recognized himself, nor his sounds or corporal expression, because Ryab was making him feel out of his body.

 

" _Yes,_ " Tom whimpered.

 

He tried to brush off the fact of how  _much_ he was loving this, another man's mouth on one of his most privates parts and how his dad would be so disappointed if he found out how he was giving himself away so easily, because they, his parents knew that he no longer was into pussy when they found Tom in his bedroom, grinding against a boy from his class, school uniform still on them. They accepted it, of course they did,  _everyone_ and he remembers punching Harry angrily when he laughed it out and said that he knew that Tom liked dick since he found his browser history opened in his laptop. 

 

 _But —_ They, mostly his parents, because he trusts his brother Harry into telling him everything that he does and his not quite sure if he is gonna tell him about  _him_ fucking for the first time with a one of his dad's employees, but, his parents still think that Tom is their little boy that knows better than doing what he was doing in Ryan's place. 

 

His thoughts got interrupted when he lost the warmth against him and wet sounds stopped abruptly, he opened his eyes and he didn't realized until now that he was digging his face in the soft backrest of the couch and biting into the rough fabric, he raised his head, "What—"

 

Ryan moved quickly and kissed his lips again, licking inside his mouth hotly and Tom blushed when he tasted himself in the other's tongue, his dick twitched at that too; the man pulled away and stared into his eyes intently, "You can still back away, Tom."

 

The boy shook his head quickly, " _No,_ I—

 

"Do you still want this?"

 

"Yes," He sighed it out, he gained courage from the remaining alcohol that was on his system and moved a hand down Ryan's chest to grip his cock in one hand, wanking him up and down twice, "I want this, Ryan." 

 

The man nodded shortly.

 

"Fuck me," Tom whispered breathlessly, before kissing him desperately again, grinding up against him and smiling when Ryan groaned and nodded.

 

When the fingers wet in lube started working him open, he maintained his eyes wide up in surprise, accepting the comforting kisses on his neck and collarbones when he grimaced in pain. It was strange, it didn't felt like Ryan's tongue because that was soft and his fingers were large and thick, spreading inside him a bit hurtfully, because Tom never has had something up in his ass before, because he was too ashamed and afraid to try it himself, but when after a while of Ryan fingering him calmly, the fingers inside touched  _something_ that made him arched his back and gasped wetly.

 

"What the fu—"

 

" _Shh..._ " Ryan whispered and shifted his hand to touch it again. 

 

Tom moaned loudly and spread his legs wider unconsciously and he knew then that the shame that he felt towards his own self discovery of his body was left behind, because he knew that he was going to do  _that_ again in his room; he gasped when the man pressed harshly against the spot, "Ryan, fuck — If you —  _shit,_ if you keep doing that, I'm — I'm gonna come."

 

Ryan shook his head and took his hand away, leaving the boy clenching his hole into nothing, he gave him a long kiss, "You don't wanna do that, baby, because I'm gonna fuck you now."

 

He nodded stupidly and his heart beat _incredibly_ faster at the nervousness and excitement, "Ok." 

 

The older man reached down to smear more lube around his hole and then jack of his dick slowly, "Hold your legs up."

 

Tom did, lifting his legs and resting them against his chest, the exposure was pleasant, mostly when he saw the flash of lust in Ryan's face when he stared down at him, he looked down and watched the man lubing his dick and Tom frowned slightly and lifted himself on his elbows with struggle, then he spoke unintelligently, "Ryan —What? — condom?"

 

"Relax," The blond man whispered against his lips and licked inside him, "You're ok, Tom. It's your first and I have nothing so it's fine."

 

"But—"

 

"It will feel better, trust me, baby boy."

 

He  _did_ trusted Ryan and he comply mostly because of the pet name that sounded  _so_ right coming out of his mouth, he chose to ignored every warning, any correct thought in his mind and all of the sex education classes that he had in school, he ignored the ' _always were condoms. Protect yourself, guys!'_ but he  ~~couldn't~~ wouldn't say no to Ryan. It's not like he could get fucking pregnant, but he ignored the other risks and consequences that he read on the internet of unprotected sex and besides,  _hell_ , he had heard his friends talking loudly about how it was  _always_ better without a condom. 

 

So, Tom nodded and accepted the soft kiss on his lips, he shuddered unexpectedly when Ryan held on of his legs against his chest and the other he make Tom wrap it around his waist. He laid there opened and pliant, holding the man's arms for support as he hugged his waist with one leg tightly, his head pounded and he didn't know if it was because of the remaining alcohol or because if the way that Ryan got closer and nudged his entrance with his cock, teasing him and making nervous at every second that passed.

 

"You're so pretty you know that, right?" 

 

Tom opened his eyes and found the other's already staring at him, he was about to compliment back, but he tensed up and gasped with slightly widened eyes when Ryan trusted slowly, dragging his dick inside him with difficulty, "Slow, slow," He whispered and his chest couldn't stop from lifting itself up and down quickly.

 

"I got you," The man nodded and kissed his neck as a distraction for the pain, "You have to relax, Tom. Come on, let go, let me _in._ "

 

He didn't realize that he was clenching Ryan's arms in a tight grip and that he was tensed all over, he took a deep breath and then exhaled it, he forced himself to relax his entrance and then gasped again when Ryan entered him whole in a quick thrust, "God, Ryan — _wait_."

 

The pain wasn't unbearable, nor comfortable, but it  _was_ pain still, a pain that he has never felt and it weirded him out a bit until he was getting worried that he wasn't going to enjoy this, a dick in his ass, because of all the porn he had seen, he wanted to moan and shake like the young boys in the videos when they were getting fucked; but, here he was frowning and feeling tears in the corners of his eyes threatening to come out, the only reassurance was the pecks on the side of his neck and the sweet whispers.

 

"It'll pass, baby boy. Just relax and wait," Ryan said lowly as he stroked a hand down his face to wipe the wetness and — _When_ the fuck Tom started crying? He didn't notice until Ryan kissed and wipe the tears away from his cheeks and he heard his ugly, wet sniff and whimper.

 

"Ryan —I,  _please,_ " Tom didn't know if he was asking for the pain to go away or for him to move, but Ryan shook his head and started to pull out.

 

"I'm gonna stop this. I can get you off in other way — You practically  _just_ lost your virginity,  _so_ ; and it was what you wanted so—" 

 

"No!" Tom opened his eyes, pulling the other back by the waist with his leg and then swearing when he sank back, he gasped and smiled stupidly when he touched again the spot inside him accidentally, the pain was still there but became overpowered by the electric electric shiver that traveled in his lower back and belly, "Ryan,  _there._ Again, there so it doesn't hurt, come on." 

 

Ryan smiled widely when the boy moved his hips impatiently, he pulled back and thrusted in quickly, going deeper and into the direction where it got Tom opening his mouth in a breathless moan.

 

Tom kissed him dirtily, wrapping his arms around his neck and dragging him down until his cock was trapped in between their bellies and received friction everytime that Ryan moved and grinded against him; his head kept hitting the couch armrest at harsh thrust and he was getting spit around his mouth as he and the man's tongues moved together distractedly and messily.

 

The pain was pleasant now in every drag of Ryan's hips against him, the constant sound of skin against skin and the springs grinding together were turning him on more than he wanted, his cock was rock hard against his stomach and he being attempting to touch himself, but he forgot when the other fucked him deeply, feeling him pressing inside him and groaning against his ear.

 

"Harder," Tom mumbled shyly and moaned with his head thrown back when Ryan obeyed and reach a hand down to wank Tom off, following the pace of his thrust.

 

"Like that?" Ryan smirked, "Like  _that_ ," He empathiz his remark by giving a peculiar deep thrust. 

 

"Yes,  _yes —_ Don't stop, please— Ryan, I — _fuck,_ I'm gonna—"

 

And, just like that Tom gasped in surprise, blinking rapidly until he clenched his eyes and opened his mouth, letting out high pitched moans that he was embarrassed to think that they sounded feminine, but he keep moaning louder when the press inside him and the rough hand on his dick became to much and his body shook uncontrollably, his stomach quivered and came unexpectedly fast on his stomach, the waves of good pleasure that not even a morning wank could overpass, leaved him gasping and arching his back, meeting Ryan's thrusts desperately until the last drop of cum was left on his belly and he only twitched his torso slightly and his body went lax.

 

"Good boy,  _good_ boy," Ryan voice was rasp and his hips moved violently against him, "You looked so good, sweetheart. Coming like that for me."

 

Tom stared with doe eyes up at Ryan's face above him, eyes shut and a concentrated frown was on his eyebrows as he moved inside him, he let the man continue to fuck him even if the pain from the beginning was coming back and the oversensitiveness was becoming to much, but the manly grunts and harsh breaths against his face were enough to close his eyes in content, his legs were heavy beside him, spread and just welcoming the other. 

 

When Ryan came and groaned, slumping on top of Tom, he grimaced slightly at the warm liquid that started leaking out of him when he asked Ryan to pull out. 

 

They laid there, snuggled together in the couch, Tom ended up almost on top of Ryan, his back against his chest as they try to catch their breath, he felt the rapid heartbeat of the man against his back and he smiled widely, their legs were entangled and he welcomed Ryan's fingertips moving up and down on his thigh, he raised his hand to pukl back his own hair away from his forehead and then rested in the man's cheek, caressing the beard there. 

 

"You good?" 

 

Tom hummed softly.

 

"You liked it?" 

 

He hummed again.

 

Tom opened his legs and sneaked a hand down, catching the come that was trailing down his ass and couch, he lifted his head and groaned, whispering a small  _ew._ Ryan kissed his template and muttered, "Sorry about that, I was planning on pulling out but you tempted me." 

 

The boy blushed, still not used to the explicit and deliberate talking that Ryan was so comfortable saying.

 

"You can shower if you want," Ryan shrugged and patted his leg. 

 

"Ok." 

 

They laid down for a few minutes in a comfortable silence, the content inside him disappeared when he realized that Ryan didn't even care too take him to and  _actual_ bed and that he lost his virginity in a fucking small couch, but he tried to ignore it as he kissed Ryan desperately, hoping that it wasn't going to be the last time.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harrison will appear in the next chapter.


	3. Trying to distract this pain away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because for once, Ryan was out of his mind for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long, long wait y'all and thank you so much for the feedback!
> 
> This was supposed to be the last chapter but I decided to add another one because if not this would've been long and tiring so be waiting for the last chapter early this week:)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It was quiet and Tom could practically hear Ryan's voice whispering hotly against his ear, damping the skin there and making a shiver run through his lower back. The touch on his skin felt like it was burning, leaving a trace, leaving Tom to beg for more, he shifted and sighed everytime that Ryan pinched somewhere as he digged his face in the pillow beneath him, Tom bit the fabric and gripped the soft sheets as the man nibbed at the back of his neck and pulled down his underwear quickly.

 

The boy parted his legs unconsciously, grinding slowly in the pillow that the other placed under his hips, he was shivering for more, his pleads seemed to go unnoticed as Ryan fondled the skin in the inside of his thighs. Something cool dripped on his skin, making him look back, over his shoulder and let out a breath when he saw Ryan lining himself up behind him—

 

Tom gasped and sat up quickly, he blinked furiously and tried to see through the dark of his room, he looked around and realized that he was entirely alone and in silence, except for his heavy breathing and the fan on the ceiling; Tom sighed, almost annoyed and flopped back in the mattress carelessly —just _another_   ~~wet~~  dream that keeps waking him up early in the morning, just when a little light is coming through the crack of the curtains.

 

They keep coming since his last encounter with Ryan on his house, he used to have them, but not like  _this_. Not so vivid and just fucking real, he still could feel the burn in his skin and caresses, on his hips, the way that Ryan's lips would leave a trace down his neck and back like the last time and he woke up sweaty, panting and wishing.

 

Tom shyly reached under the sheets, instantly his hand brushed on his crotch, feeling his hard-on over the soft fabric of his briefs, it was warm and leaking,  _god_ , he wakes up everytime so flustered when he finds how wet he gets. 

 

The light of the cloudy sky was just slipping through the curtains and he pulled his hand back, resting it in his chest, hesitating and opening his eyes to only stare at the white ceiling.

 

It's being a week since he saw Ryan and since ( _holy_   _shit_ ) he lost his virginity. He hasn't see the other because school was harsh with final exams and having his mom yelling at him to study and to not go out —not even with Harrison— was becoming a bit of huge headache. But he was dying to go to his dad's workshop and see Ryan there, cutting wood and drinking whiskey with the other workers.

 

He was fantasizing about Ryan's expression when he sees Tom again, maybe he will part his mouth and _devour_  him with the hazel eyes, _but —_ Tom absolutely doubt it because the man was excellent at hiding emotions and acting normal.

 

So, he felt like dying inside at every passing day at the prospect of a _next_   _time_.

 

The single thought of the possibility of doing it again with Ryan, to touch him or kiss him became unconsciously present in the front of his mind, but he couldn't ignore yet the _possibility_ of having the other man to reject what happened or, hell, reject Tom himself. 

 

He dragged his hand under the covers again, giving a shaky breath as he gripped himself tightly, squeezing and rubbing the wet head over the black fabric, his thumb grazed it carefully and with his other hand he dragged the collar of his shirt to bite into it, just to avoid making any inconsiderate noises —because, he did was a teenager, he was used to be quiet and suppress himself; but since he got to experience to _really_  be loud without having to hold back and squeeze his lips shut at Ryan's place, he has been craving too to not worry about making any single noise.

 

Tom's breath hitched suddenly and he jumped when the door of his room opened loudly, "Fuck!" He whispered-yelled and pulled away his hand roughly, gripping the edge of the blanket and pulling it up his chin.

 

Harry appeared in the entrance with halfclosed eyes and a frown, he even still had the pillow marks in the side of his face as he leaned on the door frame, "Tessa took a shit just outside my bedroom, dickhead."

 

"What are you doing up this early?" The older boy sighed.

 

"What are  _you_ doing up this early?" His brother eyed him suspiciously with a small smirk and crossed his arms.

 

"I have to get ready for school," He rolled his eyes.

 

"At six in the fucking morning?" Harry scoffed.

 

"I'm gonna do my fucking hair," Tom groaned and rubbed his face, trying to sink more into the mattress.

 

"Gay," The other boy snickered playfully, making Tom roll his eyes again and groan louder.

 

"Get out!" 

 

Harry straightened up and hit the door frame, "I almost stepped on the shit when I was on my way to the bathroom —Clean the dog's shit before someone steps on it, dickhead."

 

"Why the fuck don't you just clean it, man?" Tom sat down in the bed.

 

"It's not my dog," He shrugged.

 

"Fine! Just get the fuck out," The boy said annoyingly and rolled towards the edge of the bed, "You should've stepped on Tessa's shit!"

 

Tom called out loudly when Harry started walking away and left the door opened in purpose; when he heard a door being slammed in the hallway, he pulled the covers away and looked down, grumbling angrily when he saw his boner was already gone and he was shivering without the warmth comfort of the bed as he stood up and stomped loudly to close the door and he leaned on it, his heart beating fast against his chest —even though his brothers had caught him wanking and he had caught his brothers too, but he was glad that Harry was that tired to not notice— he wasn't in the mood to deal with bickering in the kitchen table and he having to punch Harry.

 

-

 

The first thing he saw when entering the workshop shop was the wide wood plates and the first thing he heard was the cringing sound of the machinery working —he walked in and was welcomed cheerfully by the workers there, a few pats and ruffles were delivered to his hair and he smiled shyly.

 

"Tommy boy, hey!" One man said and opened his arms.

 

"Hey, Mr. Hiddleston," Tom waved at the tall man.

 

"How you've been?" The blue eyed man nodded at him, he was wearing this thick gloves as he held a hammer on his hand, "Staying out of trouble?"

 

"You bet," He rised his eyebrows, "I haven't see you here lately, Mr. Hiddleston."

 

"I caught a cold and stayed home for a few days," The other Tom answered and smiled politely at him before patting his shoulder once, "You grow an inch everytime that I see you, little man."

 

The boy grinned, "I hope so. I'm trying to reach your height one day."

 

Hiddleston chuckled amd shrugged, "Keep eating those vegetables then."

 

He was about to respond, but someone had call for the man and they both turned around, the boy looked behind him and found one of the workers waving at Tom hurriedly —and,  _gosh_ , he then saw  _him_ , he saw Ryan there, in the same table cutting wood and he suddenly looked up and caught the boy's eyes; he tried to ignore the disappointment when Ryan stared at him shortly and _indifferently_ before dropping his gaze to keep looking at the wood.

 

"Duty's calling, little man," Hiddleston sighed and shrugged, "See you around?"

 

Tom nodded distractedly and smiled slightly as he watched the man jogged away, he was left with a heart beating fast as he turned his head again to look at Ryan.

 

He felt a little guilty that he barely gave any attention to the nice man that was Tom Hiddleston, but, damn it, Ryan (the man of his dreams) was there.

 

Tom remembers when he had a small crush on Hiddleston —it was more of a platonic crush, it fell more on the side of admiring, because he did admired the man for being so kind and happy all the time, he was one of the few man that didn't only say hi to him because he was the boss' son; Hiddleston would always chat with him and bring him some kind of sweets— and besides, the man was fucking lovely, with the deep blue eyes, light hair, slight beard and straight teeth.

 

But, he soon forgot about that when Ryan came into the picture.

 

He didn't know when he started walking, but maybe he was just to deep into his thoughts that he realized that he was directing himself towards the blond man cutting in concentration —he turned back to look at his dad's office and saw him distracted with some papers on his hands, so he decided to say 'hi' to his dad later.

 

The sound of electrics machines cutting was almost unbearable, but he felt his chest warming up at the sight of the man finally being real and close; he sighed and stood by the big metal table.

 

Tom placed his hand in the rough wood and he caught Ryan's eyes following his hand for a second before going back to focused on what he was doing currently; he gulped and leaned his body on the table, "Hey."

 

Ryan looked up shortly, barely staring and he gived a single nod at him, "What's up?" He turned back down to cut the wood, making a cringing noise.

 

The boy grimaced slightly when he had to raise his voice to be hear over all the construction sounds, "You need help with that?"

 

The other looked at the wood, contemplating and then he nodded, pointing at the end of the table, "Hold that still. Like always, kid."

 

Tom tried not to let his stomach churn at the name, because — _shit_ , wasn't Ryan calling him baby the last time that they saw eachother?— he tried not to think about it too much too, because, indeed they were in a opened place and they couldn't risk _anything,_ not a single hint, not a single look not a single fucking touch, even though before they fucked, Ryan used to hug Tom from behind to help him cut the wood (wich, of course, nobody saw something wrong, because it was the boss's kid who has being there since he was a little boy and seeing him get taught how to follow the business was heartwarming, even though Tom was getting hard-ons from feeling the strong chest against his back) but, still, Ryan hasn't being this dry or _careless_? Because, usually he would be already smiling at the boy and making fun of him.

 

So, Tom breathed in deep, nodding and walking towards the end of the table, insanely trying not to panick and run away to hide and cry in the bathroom because his heart felt like coming out out of his throat.

 

Just as he gripped the wood down strongly and the loud sound of Ryan cutting through it filled the room; Tom licked his lips and smiled widely, "So, how've you been?"

 

Ryan looked up, this time he stared at the boy with a slight uncertain expression on his face, eyeing him quickly and then nodding once again, he shrugge, his lips looked tensed as Ryan spoke firmly, " _Good_."

 

Tom looked down after he watched the blond man going back to work as if they weren't talking, disinterested and indifferent and his chest clenched involuntarily. 

 

He didn't hear a question or any other response, so he sighed quietly, passing unnoticed as his smile unrevealing, " _And_ , how's been work this days?"

 

Ryan continued cutting, "Same as always."

 

The boy nodded slowly and dunked and tilded his head childishly, searching for the man's eyes, "Did you wondered why I haven't being here since last week?"

 

And all he got back was a short shrug and the smile disappeared completely from his thin lips.

 

After a few minutes passed and all that he could hear was the other workers chattering and the machines working, he sighed and let go of the wood abruptly, straighting up and placing his hands in the table, almost accusingly.

 

Ryan looked up with a frown, not before getting a tight hold in the saw and wood, his eyes were angry as he stared at Tom, "Don't do that—"

 

"Are you just going to ignore me?" Tom lowered his voice.

 

The older man looked away, gazing next to him and into his father's office, Tom did the same ( _just_  for precaution) and saw his dad's back facing them as he talked on the phone —Ryan turned back around with a sigh, "I'm working right now, kid."

 

"And, I'm helping you," He shrugged.

 

Ryan gave a sarcastic scoff, "Sure you are."

 

Tom frowned and he was left speechless for a few short seconds, before he leaned further in the table, "What's your problem?"

 

"Listen," The blond man dropped the saw in the table frustratedly and rubbed his face with a hand, "I'm currently working —in case you haven't notice, Tom.  _We_ can't do this shit right now."

 

"I just wanna talk about—"

 

"There's nothing to talk, Tom," Ryan stated casually and raised his hand to go back with the task, he broke eye contact and wiped nervously sweat off his forehead.

 

Tom blinked at him and gave a step back slowly, he nodded after a few seconds, accepting. 

 

He walked away and ignored the wet burn in his eyes and the ache on his chest.

 

-

 

Tom was desperate and angry, he had passed al day tapping his pencil against his notebook and moving his leg up and down. He was tired —how could he not?, Tom cried himself to sleep last night, he remembers gripping the pillow and digging his face on it to silence his whimpers and sniffs but his brother Paddy heard anyways and entered his room; Tom still feels bad that he yelled at him to get out and ignored the cookies (that were his favorite) on Paddy's hand. He will hug him and watch movies with him all day, as a way to apologise and distract his mind from Ryan.

 

 _Oh,_ that asshole.

 

He spent his night thinking about him and repeating the _awful_  rejection that he suffered from the man in his dad's workshop, he spent the night shaming himself and sorrowing as he lay down on his bed. He was dying to tell someone, just to relieve his heavy chest, but he _couldn't._ Of course, he wouldn't, even if he wanted to tell Harrison or one of his brothers, he just couldn't do it because he promised Ryan and it wasn't that, he knew how his friend or brothers would react; they would freak out, tell his parents and,  _hell_ , even call the police. 

 

Because — _yes_ , he indeed wanted since the beginning and nobody forced him into anything, but legally it was still wrong and just fucked up. He was seventeen for fucks sake (almost eighteen, but still) and Ryan was forty-two. 

 

So, he had to cry himself out and be left alone with his harmful thoughts.

 

Tom snapped out of his mind when he _snapped_ the white pencil on his hand, he looked down and found it parted in two while his fingers were red and scratched slightly.

 

"Christ, man," His friend hissed beside him in their shared table, "What the fuck?"

 

He turned to look at Harrison shortly and shook his head, " _Nothing_."

 

Harrison leaned next to him and spoke lowly, "Are you ok?"

 

He shook his head again.

 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" 

 

"Not now," Tom nodded at the teacher explaining in front of the class and he dropped the useless pencil to the table, making a small sound.

 

His friend nodded and sighed before turning to look away.

 

"Had a fight with your dad again?" Harrison whispered.

 

He scoffed slightly and leaned his chin on his palm, "I wish it was that."

 

"Then what is it?" The blue eyed boy elbowed him.

 

"I'll tell you later—"

 

"Holland," The teacher called from the front and signaled at the board, "Care to explain?"

 

He shook his head quickly and slumped down on his sit as his arms crossed on his chest shyly, "Sorry."

 

The teacher sighed and went back to explain boredly, she kept eyeing the two boy constantly and just when she turned around to write something on the board; Harrison leaned to whisper on his ear again.

 

"I just saw Rebecca staring at you with heart eyes," Harrison shrugged and mumbled, "Too bad you like dick, bro."

 

Tom couldn't help but smile and snort slightly, he placed a hand on his mouth to silence himself as he rised his middle finger towards his friend and elbowed him away playfully —he saw the sincere smile that Harrison gave him with soft eyes and Tom felt fuzzy inside because he knew that his friend would do and say whatever nonsense to make him feel better and he resisted the urge to just lay his head down on his shoulder and hug him tightly.

 

"You'll tell me later what's happened," Harrison affirmed.

 

"I'll tell you later," He lied.

 

When school ended, he scurried away in the hallways, ignoring his friend as he run to the bus stop. 

 

This time he didn't go to his dad's workshop, he went home to lock himself away in his room.

 

-

 

Tom was on his was home, his head was leaning against the cold window as he hugged his backpack close to his face when his phone started buzzing inside his pocket and he rolled his eyes annoyingly and gave a sigh because he was about to fall asleep, but his dad decided to call.

 

"Hey," He mumbled.

 

" _I need you back here in the shop,_ _darling_ ," His father said without greeting him first.

 

Tom frowned and almost grimaced, "Why? —you never need me—"

 

" _Well, I need you now,_ " Dominic said, " _I need help with the paper work and you're good at organizing it_."

 

The boy sighed and rolled his eyes again, "Dad, I can't—"

 

" _Thomas,_ " He called warningly, " _I'm asking you a favor. I'll pay you if you want —just get your arse here._ "

 

"Fine," Tom huffed.

 

" _Alright, love you, darling_."

 

"Love you too, dad," The boy said embarrassedly, eyes flickering over the bus to make sure no one was listening.

 

He wasn't surprised that as soon as he walked into the workshop, Ryan didn't even dare to to look up twice, he just raised his head when the door was opened and a annoyed, freezing Tom walked in, only to find Ryan gaze quickly turning away as he resumed to laugh with the other workers —it was like the first days that he arrived, not minding Tom and there he was craving for the man's attention.

 

As soon as he finished organizing the papers, he had stormed out of the and he wasn't surprised either that he cried himself to sleep that night again.

 

-

 

It's been a few weeks since _that_  day, since he last had a proper conversation with him and since he lost his virginity to a guy that he thought was good enough. He couldn't help but feel used and betrayed, like some kind of fun or game (wich he probably was) to Ryan — _yes_ , it was fully consensual and yes, he did enjoyed very much, but that didn't mean that he was able to forget it and moved on.

 

There was this small hope and dream that they would be alright and keep seeing eachother afterwards, like there was this dumb, innocent and young hope that it would be normal and Ryan would accept it.  _Them._

 

But, there was this realistic thought in the back of his mind too that it was just _impossible_ for them to be the same after that night, because, shit, they were so fucking drunk and silly, they were drove by lust and deep impulses that till this day Tom still can't understand.

 

So, he stopped trying, he stopped going to his dad's workshop to only  _try_ to catch Ryan's attention, he stopped smiling, waving at him or even offering his help, because he was only ignored of simply just told no. He stopped trying to connect their gaze and he stopped dressing up and combing his hair in those messy curls that Ryan once mentioned that he liked —he just stopped, because, what was the point if he was being overpassed into nothing.

 

He couldn't be mad at them, not really, he was too —in  _love_? To actually be angry. Tom felt like begging him for his attention, he felt like even if Ryan haven't spoke to him in weeks and then suddenly he decides to speak to him shortly, Tom _will_  be there, nodding and taking his clothes off because he was a goner for Ryan.

 

So, he tried to forget too, to play football, to play videogames, to walk around the neighborhood with little Tess and have her sleeping by his side (ignoring his mom's complains in the morning), to play with Paddy and fight with his brothers — _anything_ to forget for a while about the itching on his chest that appeared whenever Ryan rushed through his minds.

 

And the only thing that seemed to work slightly was to have the physical contact, to kiss someone else and to touch someone else. 

 

Tom couldn't believe what he was doing, he wanted to punch himself and just stand up because he had been 'studying' for a project with his friend Tian during the last few days, they've been going to his house because Tian's parents were never home. It started with just a simple kiss, not big deal honestly, they were just rolling around on the carpet, laughing loudly as they play fight; they were dumb and just, they were being  _boys_ , so Tom didn't hesitated for a second where at one point he was straddling his friend, their faces where inches apart and the only sound was the music playing and he didn't hesitate too when his friend mumbled that they should practice their kissing skills with eachother, even if Tian was apparently straight.

 

But, Tom was a good friend and a horny, heartbroken teenager that was too emotional and hurt to say no and besides he really wanted it, he wanted to be touched and moan, so he let himself be kissed softly. He had to guided his friend's hands to his hair when they seem to be looking for something on his chest and he gets it, he wasn't mad, Tian was only used to feel a female body and Tom feel like he wanted to cry at how pathetic his situation was.

 

So he just grinded down on Tian, humping him like he humped his pillow and moaning shyly as his friend kissed his neck slowly, licking and pushing his messy curls back as his hips raised to meet Tom's.

 

It wasn't Ryan. He tried to imagine like he was and at some point did, but the delusion shattered when the voice under him was to low, when the hands on his hips felt not strong and the kisses on his lips felt too young. 

 

It wasn't Ryan and it never will be.

 

But he was aching to feel something else, to think something else, so Tom kept dragging their crotches together, their lips bumping messily as his elbows rested on each side of his friend's head that was on the floor and Tom dared to move his mouth to his ear and whisper:

 

" _Fuck_ _me_."

 

It was filthy and maybe unnecessary. But, he said because Ryan liked it when he said it that night. He wasn't thinking, he wasn't feeling and that was  _good_.

 

Tian groaned and almost sighed for breath as his hands suddenly gripped Tom's thighs and pulled him down harshly, their cocks rubbed together through thick fabric and Tom unexpectedly gasped and his legs trembled and he came on his boxer shortly as his friend sucked a mark just under his ear, he felt the warmth of his cum staining his underwear uncomfortably but he didn't mind as that pleased feeling settled on his lower belly and he closed his eyes and sighed as his orgasm passed quickly.

 

They were on their uniforms still and Tom noticed now that Tians red tie was messed up and their shirts were untucked; he was blushing and panting as he fixed himself, until he noticed that the other was still hard.

 

They were just teenage boys, Tian would come fast, just like he did, so he crawled back and unbuttoned his trousers.

 

Tom gave his first blow job, it was sloppy and confused, he kept gagging and pulling away, he didn't know what to do, but he didn't care because he was forgetting for a while and his friend was pushing his head down carelessly until he had to swallow everything with an unpleasant expression.

 

He didn't care that he was left feeling dirty as his friend pushed him away to fix himself and mumbled that it was getting late and that he should go, he didn't care that he probably fucked up a friendship —he really didn't, because for once, Ryan was out of his mind for a while.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ❤❤


	4. Making things right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was just Ryan wanting to make things right. To fix what he did and to maybe tell Tom that, no, they couldn't fuck again because Ryan could get pointed at by the town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter turned out to be too long, there will be one more chapter y'all
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!

The air was warm inside, it shouldn't be, because a few minutes ago it was cool, resembling the cold weather outside, but maybe it was the heavy heaters all around the workshop that his dad had just turned on while Tom was inside his office, spinning around on the chair, chewing and popping gum loudly as he boredly listened to music on his earphones —he had to be there with his dad on the workshop because he needed help (once again) with paperwork and Tom would've refuse and excuse himself by saying that he had a lot of homework but he couldn't when he saw Dominic's sincere eyes as he told him that he wanted to spend time with his little boy that soon will turn eighteen.

 

Tom understood him really, he understood that Dominic wanted to have some father-son routine during what was last of their time together, because soon, Tom will finish highschool and go to Arts and Dance school in London, so he welcomed the multiple hugs that he has being getting by his dad and family.

 

Right now, his back was facing the wide window that let in the view of the workers, wood and machinery, he told  ~~ _lied_~~ to himself that it was because he was tired of watching the same picture everyday when the real reason was because he didn't want to see when Ryan arrived; he was late, wich wasn't normal and unconsciously, Tom hoped that he wouldn't assist today or call in sick because it had been at least three weeks amd still, Tom couldn't get rid of the sunken feeling inside his chest.

 

He didn't cry as much, if not anymore —he wasn't as pathetic like he was in the beginning when Ryan didn't acknowledge their  _affair_ but he indeed was still heartbroken, because no matter what, no matter how much it hurt him, he couldn't hate Ryan for too long and he was left staring dreamingly at the man and sighing deeply.

 

And so he did when Ryan entered the building hurriedly, snow smeared on his boots and beanie as he tool off the heavy coat and greeted the other workers with that crooked smile of his.

 

Tom found himself most of the days that he spent on his dad's workshop, in the office —because it was warm, it had a big chair and he could avoid Ryan, but still, whenever Tom arrived from school, small uniform clinging to his young body, he played dumb because he knew that Ryan was staring at him from across the room, following each step until Tom was on his dad's office and he was too shy to actually look back at him but he couldn't help but feel a tingling itch on his stomach, knowing that at least Ryan hasn't forget about him.

 

But, when Ryan entered that day, as per usual, Ryan looked up to the office, hazel eyes searching and this time, Tom did look away —he didn't know what got into him, he just did it, still chewing his him and blowing a wide bubble childishly as his fingers played with the cord of his earphones and he stared with doe eyes at Ryan, when suddenly his dad entered the office and he jumped slightly, the bubblegum sticking to his lips and chin.

 

"Hey, darling," His dad smiled at him.

 

"Hi, dad," Tom blushed and lifted his hand quickly to wipe his face.

 

"Are you hungry?" 

 

He nodded distractedly, watching his dad waving at the Domino's coupons on his hand and his phone in the other —when Tom turned his head around, he was disappointed to find Ryan working intently with the wood, back facing the office.

 

-

 

After he finished helping his dad, he quickly gathered his stuff, his backpack and duffle back hanging on his shoulder as he kissed his dad's cheeks and said goodbye. He found himself waving and smiling widely at Hiddleston when the man whistled at him and he forced himself to ignore Ryan, even if he could feel his eyes digging in the backof his head.

 

Tom went to a 'sleepover' at Tian's house —they didn't tell Harrison because... he couldn't really know what they were planning to do and _god_ , why on earth did Tom agreed to this?

 

But, after what happened with Ryan, nothing could take his mind away from it, _nothing_  but being with another person and after the last time with Tian; that clumsy, teenage touches when they fumbled their way to an orgasm, then it was the only time that his mind could take a rest. 

 

So, when Tian suggested that if Tom would like to go to sleep over at his house to study and play PlayStation; he hesitated at first, because he felt like shit that they wouldn't tell Harrison, but he soon forgot about it when he and Tian sneaked in the empty locker room of their school and kissed messily and quickly and Tom ended up on his knees and gave an awkward blowjob for the second time in his life.

 

Currently, the music was playing loud, taking advantage that Tian's parents weren't home and they weren't taking advantage only in that because they were laying down in bed, Tian on top of Tom, straddling him as they kissed softly, pulling away to take short breaths before their tongues were fighting again.

 

Tom was panting slight as his hands held both sides of the other boy's neck, trying to pull him closer, lips smashing together almost roughly and carelessly —he opened his eyes when Tian pulled away, taking his lips in-between his teeth and smirking when Tom smiled up at him playfully.

 

After a moment of that, of just rolling around the bed, pretending to fight and mixed with delivering kisses, giggles and gasps echoed in the room until Tom ended up on top of his friend, knees on each side of his stomach as he sat down and leaned back, resting his weight completely on his lap.

 

"You tired already, Tommy?" His friend teased, lifting a hand to brush his curls back.

 

Tom smirked shyly and rolled his hisp against him, feeling the hardness against the back of his thigh, "Do I look tired?"

 

Tian rolled his eyes playfully and nodded at him once, "Prove that you're not tired."

 

He leaned down without a word, leaning down to steal a kiss, little tongue darting out to lick at his friend's part lips as he rolled his hips one more time; his hand played with Tian's school tie, loosening it slowly as they made out longingly, his own erection straining against his trousers.

 

"Hey," Tom whispered in-between kisses.

 

His friend only hummed, hand going down to grip Tom's narrow waist.

 

The boy gulped nervously and pulled away just a bit; he took a deep breath in and opened his eyes, "Why don't you fuck me?" He whispered bluntly and straightaway, watching his friend's eyes widening slightly.

 

"W-what —are you serious?" Tian asked, british accent coming out thick. 

 

Tom shrugged and nodded, "Unless you prefer a handjob or blowjob," He smirked.

 

The other boy shook his head rapidly, "No, no, I-i —fucking sounds better."

 

" _Alright_ ," He leaned down to kiss him again, this time more timidly before sitting up straight and starting to unbutton his school shirt.

 

"Wait," Tian held his hands, stopping him, "Is this gonna be your first time?"

 

Tom stared at him for a moment, contemplating his answer before he only shook his head and continued undoing his shirt.

 

" _What_?" His friend made the biggest confused expression and got up on his elbows, "You've fucked before?" 

 

He simply nodded.

 

"Like, someone has fucked you?" 

 

Tom sighed and rolled his eyes, " _Yes_." He shrugged of his shirt and threw away his tie.

 

"Who?" Tian frowned, "Do I know him?"

 

The boy quickly leaned down and cut off his words by instantly kissing him, tongue playing inside his mouth as he felt Tian's hands running hesitantly over the naked skin of his back, he pulled away just a few inches and mumbled against his lips, "I doesn't matter."

 

He was pleased that Tian didn't asked more questions as he nodded and started undressing, just like Tom was doing.

 

-

 

It wasn't specially good, nor that pleasant —the sex with his friend, that is.

 

It was rushed and hurried and just dumb, with quick fumbles and desperate kisses. Tom actually had to tell Tian what to do because the boy had only done it with girls, it wasn't like Tom knew what he was doing, he just told his friend to do what Ryan did that night. 

 

They didn't have lube, of course the didn't, they were just teenagers, they barely had a condom wich was hidden inside Tian's school backpack, Tom had to suck his own fingers and then stretch himself open like he had been doing alone on his room, because there wasn't a way that Tian could actually finger him without hurting him. 

 

He was blushing shyly as his own fingers kept disappearing inside him as Tian watched his movements and jerked himself off, Tom was there laying naked and wide as he braced himself to have sex for the second time in his life; he was about to freak out but Tian leaned down to kiss him softly and and said jokingly, as to try to lighten the atmosphere:

 

"I heard boys are tighter than girls."

 

And Tom couldn't help but laugh shortly and shake his head as his heart beat faster and his hardness rested on his belly.

 

When he felt like he was ready, he parted his legs more, nodded and pulled his friend down to kiss him messily as he let him know that they could do it already.

 

Tom made Tian wear a condom even after the ' _It's not like you can't get pregnant_ ,  _mate'_ — he forced him to still wear, he didn't know why, but he felt that it was right to wear one, even if Ryan didn't but deeo down and stupidly, Tom was hoping to be with Ryan again like  _that_ and not wear with him, because... It would be Ryan.

 

It hurt a little, when Tian first entered him, he wasn't that big but Tom had to grip the sheets and clench his eyes shut as he bit his lip and contained a gasp.

 

He did this —fuck one of his friends— to try and forget about the man, but Tom found himself staring at the ceiling in the middle of Tian's rapid thrusts, he found himself thinking about Ryan and wishing it was him, the one on top of him, fucking and kissing him; Tom did moaned and whimpered, it felt good but not  _that_ good, he jerked himself of and cum with a silent cry.

 

The reason of why he had come was because he imagined Ryan was the one with him.

 

But, he still felt nothing inside.

 

-

 

It's been two days since he fucked with Tian and thankfully, there wasn't an awkward aftermath and they were still pretty good with eachother, if not, maybe even better, because they got to share that kind of intimacy and even if if was behind everyone's back, they would still smile at eachother secretly on school but that was about it —even though their friendship wasn't harmed, Tom still felt a nagging feeling inside.

 

He was now currently at the local market alone, with his school backpack and uniform clinging wetly to his body because he run under the slight rain to come here when his mom asked to pick up some things for dinner, his hair was damp too, resting on his forehead as he walked down the corridors boredly, running his fingers over the things as he sometimes put things inside the small basket on his other arm.

 

When he got everything, Tom started heading out of the last corridor, jogging slightly and suddenly, just as he was about to turned around the corner, he collided against someone — he didn't have a chance to look up because he soon was falling down with a gasp, all the items on his basket falling everywhere.

 

"Shit —sorry, here."

 

 _And_  — he recognized that voice (of course he did. He dreams of it every night) and he looked up with wide eyes and instantly saw Ryan's face staring down at him, his hand was out as if meaning to help Tom and the slight panick expression on his Ryan's face was evident.

 

The boy hesitated for two seconds before taking his hand shakily and letting himself be quickly pulled up, "Thanks," He mumbled and and patted his knees, to shake off any invisible dust.

 

"You're ok?" Ryan asked quietly, "You hit yourself really hard there."

 

Tom shrugged and crossed his arms, the evident throb on his backside and back was forgotten because his heart was beating so fast, "I'm fine, I guess."

 

The taller man nodded and looked away for a few seconds before sighing and looking back as if checking that no one was looking at them, he appeared to be nervous and uneasy, before he looked at Tom again (he looked down shyly as soon as Ryan eyed him) and gave a sigh, "How've you been?"

 

He scoffed and shook his head, boldness suddenly invading him, "Don't ask me that. Mostly if you're doing it forcefully."

 

Ryan clenched his jaw, "I'm not doing it forcefully, Tom. I mean it: How've you been?"

 

Tom looked at him with a frown, staring at him as if the man infront of him was crazy, "Fine, I've been fine," He said sarcastically.

 

"Good," The man nodded.

 

He scoffed again, "Are you serious? —why didn't you ask me how I was in the works where you _pretend_  to not notice me but you chose to aske that here, where you had no choice because you literally bumped into me."

 

"Tom," Ryan sighed and shook his head, and somehow there was some sadness on his eyes, "Don't do this." 

 

The boy stared at him for a moment, still wearing the same expression on his face, but the difference was that Tom's eyes were watering slowly, before smiling slightly and looking down, "Ask me how I've been again," He mumbled.

 

"What—"

 

"Ask me how I've been," Tom said more intently, almost in-between gritted teeth.

 

Ryan hesitated forba second, before sighing in defeat, "How you've been, Tom?"

 

"Like _shit_ , thanks to you."

 

The boy muttured that, watching Ryan's eyes shifting and just as he raised and arm, Tom pushed it away and then pushed past him, shouldering him harshly and making Ryan stumble back, staring at Tom with a surprised and mortified face, he looked like wanted to say something or was about to, but Tom was already walking away hurriedly, feeling the hazel eyes burning on the back of his head, the things that his mom asked for forgotten on the ground but he didn't really cared as he exited the supermarket and let the rain poured on him.

 

Tom hugged himself, shivering as he walked to the bus top that was infront of the parking lot and just as he sat down on the bench, under the small roof, it was then that he sniffed before he started crying, ugly tears mixing with the water on his face, he bounced his legs up and down as he bent over and panted, he whimpered and gasped shakily as he was enable to stop crying, he was crying like when he's alone on his room, but thankfully the heavy sound of the rain covered his sounds.

 

Ryan was there, just as he's always was in the workshop, but the only difference was that he gave Tom a word and it triggered something, of course it did. 

 

It triggered memories of that night, the one that Ryan was so kind and funny, the one that he took his virginity and kiss him softly, just when he let Tom shower on his bathroom and wear his clothes, the night the he felt happy and wanted. 

 

Only to feel used and dumped after and he couldn't bare it. Not anymore.

 

He waited a few good minutes, waiting for the rain to stop a bit and for the bus to arrive, but he was so angry and mad that he grabbed his phone and was about to dial Tian's phone, to tell him to pick him up because he had a car, but suddenly, just as he was holding it against his ear, a familiar black, old truck came into view, driving slowly and just by the sidewalk until it came to a stop and the passenger's window rolled down and Tom's breath hitched and his lips trembled, from the cold and from the crying.

 

Ryan was there, one hand on the steering wheel as he looked at the boy with the same eyes that he had inside the market, eyeing him up and sadly —but, it wasn't pity, it was like if Ryan was hurting too. 

 

"Tom," He said quietly, barely audible, "Please, get in."

 

"Go away," The younger boy said with a strained voice before sniffing and wiping his nose with his wet sleeve.

 

" _Please_ ," Ryan said pleading as he reached over and opened the heavy passenger's door, the metal cringing together, "Get in."

 

"I said go away," Tom raised his voice and uncrossed his arms, "My boyfriend is peaking me up," He lied.

 

Something shifted on the man's face and he looked forward, clenching his jaw and sighing; Tom thought that he was going to drive off, but no, because he looked at him again and said, "I wanna talk."

 

The boy looked down and his mind rushed, it was something that he wanted since that night, to just  _talk_ with Ryan, but it was denied and now that he have it he wasn't certain if he really wanted that, he wasn't prepared to hear the final conclusion of their time together.

 

"Please?" 

 

"I don't want to."

 

"At least let me drive you home. I won't _let_  you go with the rain like this. _Please_ , Tom."

 

Tom looked up when Ryan's voice broke painfully and before he knew it, he found himself standing up shakily and grabbing his backpack from the bench, he got under the rain and let it soak him some more as he walked slowly towards the truck until he got a hold on the door handle and open it wider and looked at Ryan with shy eyes, embarrassed that he has to see him in this state.

 

Ryan nodded and grabbed a sweater that was on the seat, making room for him.

 

"Thanks," The boy mumbled awkwardly as he sat down and close the heavy door, struggling a bit.

 

He started the car and drove slowly, before after a moment he looked at Tom shaking lightly, jaw quivering as he hugged himself and Ryan then turned on the heater fully and gave him the sweater that was on his lap.

 

"You can change and put this on," Ryan said, "The cold will go away."

 

Tom looked at it and shook his head, hugging himself tighter.

 

"Come on," The man lifted the sweater higher, "It's ok. You'll feel better."

 

The boy thought about for a second before sighing stubbornly and taking the clothing quite harshly and dropping it on his lap; Tom sat on the edge of the seat, knees against the console as he shrugged off his jacket and started taking of the wet vest and school shirt, he blushed when they stopped at a red light and Ryan look shortly at him  _and_ at his damp white dress shirt clinging to his thin chest —Ryan looked away quickly and ahead.

 

Tom unbuttoned with shaky fingers because of the cold and shrugged it off too, shivering longingly even though the hot air was hitting his skin, he finished putting on the man's sweater, hanging large on his smaller frame, but it was warm and cozy and he digged his nose on the sleeves as he blew on his hands.

 

"You want my jacket?" The older man said after a moment.

 

"It's fine," He answered and shook his head, "The cold is going away."

 

"Good," Ryan said and cleared his throat, "Tom."

 

The boy raised his head, an expecting look on his face.

 

"Can we talk?" 

 

He looked down and shrugged.

 

Ryan sighed and continued, "Sorry for being like that in the market. I wasn't expecting to see you there."

 

"It's fine," He whispered, playing with the loose strings on the sweater.

 

"So... You got a boyfriend, huh?" The man raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly.

 

Tom shrugged and crossed his arms.

 

"Is it that blond kid that you're always with?"

 

Tom frowned, "How do you know that I'm always with him?"

 

He looked at Tom, "Well, it's a small town and I've seen you on the streets with that kid."

 

The boy's frowned deepened, "Are you accusing me?"

 

Ryan shook his head, "Just assuming."

 

Tom scoffed and looked outside the window, "Why do you care?" 

 

"So, he  _is_ your boyfriend?" The man asked quietly and Tom shrugged again.

 

They stayed quiet for a few minutes, Tom was just watching the trees covered in white through the window, he did turned once to look at Ryan but instantly looked away, because he wasn't sure if he could control himself, because Ryan was there, like in his dreams, strong jaw, brown beard and parted lips.

 

When they came to a stop, the man parked just across from his house, they sat there, awkwardly and expecting, and just as Tom was about to open the door and get out, a hand on his arm stopped him, pulling him back and Tom looked at him with a confused expression and a frown —the look on Ryan's eyes was a foreign one, they were small and pleading, staring at him with emotion and something else that he couldn't describe.

 

"I'm sorry," Ryan said suddenly, sounding loud in the car, he sighed and shook his head, "I'm sorry, Tom. For everything."

 

The boy looked down instantly, hands playing with themselves as his mind running, thinking what to do, but during this past days without Ryan, he grew used to trying to accept that he will not accept his attention no longer, so Tom was still defensive, afraid that maybe Ryan will do thus only today and forget tomorrow.

 

But... he was just saying sorry. That didn't mean anything, right? 

 

"Tom... look at me."

 

It was just Ryan wanting to make things right. To fix what he did and to maybe tell Tom that,  _no_ , they couldn't fuck again because Ryan could get pointed at by the town.

 

So, Tom decided to fix himself and act mature (even he wasn't feeling like it), just to really get over this, because he didn't think that he could wait another moment of questioning himself and the man.

 

But, when he looked up, when he was expecting Ryan to just end things, officially, even if they were nothing from the beginning, but end their little affair that just _couldn't_  happen, but —he didn't find and apologetic expression, or sorry, pitiful eyes, he just found Ryan staring at him in the same way that he stared at him that night, eyes darkening and lips parting before his gaze flickered to Tom's mouth longingly.

 

And Tom couldn't take it anymore, he wanted to get out of the car and run into his house that was a few meters away and the could easily be seen by his family, but he ignored that and quickly _threw_ himself against the man, almost knocking his breath out as he gripped Ryan's shirt and connected their lips painfully and Tom's chest clenched when he kissed him back just as desperately, large hands settling on both sides of his face, pulling him closer. 

 

Just when their tongues met, thr thr boy whimpered, frowned and raised his arms, only to start hitting Ryan's chest, he didn't stop kissing him but he connected his fist with him, it was harsh or rough, Tom was mostly pushing him away angrily, before biting his lip hurtfully and parting away but the man pulled him back.

 

"Baby," Ryan breathed against his lips and held his hands against his chest, trying to stop his movements.

 

"Don't call me that," Tom whimpered angrily and hit him again, but still not pulling away completely, craving his touch after what felt so long.

 

"Stop—" The man mumbled, but he stopped fighting back the small punches and just sat there, allowing him and letting Tom kiss him roughly, "Tom, stop."

 

"I hate you," He groaned, voice cracking and suddenly his eyes watered again and tears started streaming down his flushed cheeks quickly, he gave a cry, just like when he was at the bus stop alone —he couldn't force it down, even if he was ashamed of letting out those broken sounds as his punches against the man slowed down slowly.

 

" _Shh_..." Ryan whispered and gently took his head and made Tom hide his face on the crook of his nis neck and hugged his back tightly.

 

"I hate you," Tom repeated, this time with less hatred, sniffing wetly before giving in and hugging the man's shoulders strongly, relaxing when a hand start rubbing up and down his back 

 

"I'm sorry," The man mumbled quietly and kissed the side of Tom's head, "I'm sorry, baby."

 

He shook his head and blinked down tears, "Stop lying.'

 

"I'm not lying," Ryan said and kissed his head again, "It fucking pained me to see you everyday and I couldn't talk to you."

 

"You could," The younger boy frowned, "I tried to and you ignored me—"

 

"I know," He nodded, "I was just afraid of someone finding out. Of getting into trouble, but," He shrugged, "I can't stay away from you any longer."

 

Tom's frown deepened and he pulled away slightly to face Ryan, who looked doem at him with a sincere expression, "You hurt me, Ryan."

 

Ryan's jaw clenched, "I know," He sighed and pecked his forehead, "Let me make it up?"

 

The boy closed his eyes and hid his face again on his neck, "You won't ignore me again?"

 

"No, _no_ ," He shook his head, "I-I've been thinking lately and I can't stop  _thinking_ about you, Tommy."

 

Tom sighed and looked up again, staring at the hazel eyes for a second before mumbling, "You dickhead."

 

Ryan stared at him and then chuckled lightly and leaned down to kiss him softly, "I am."

 

The boy grinned fondly against his lips, and reached up to wipe his own face away, fingers getting wet with the tears, "You've made cry a lot."

 

"I'll make it up," He nodded confidently and brushed his curls back, he stared at him with halfclosed eyes and then smiled with closed lips, "I missed you. I missed listening to your nonsense conversation and you helping me at work."

 

Tom's cheeks flushed and he bit his lips to stop his smile from widening embarrassedly, "Me too, like — _a_   _lot_."

 

"I missed _this_  too," Ryan smirked and his hands traveled down to squeezed his ass slightly.

 

" _Stop_ ," The boy said shyly and rested his forehead on Ryan's chin.

 

"Are we ok then?" He asked quietly and Tom nodded quickly, "And... what about that boyfriend of yours?"

 

Tom scoffed and looked up at him, "Tian's not my boyfriend." 

 

The man raised his eyebrows, "Well, I saw you pretty damn close with him and I saw those pictures on Facebook too, you know?"

 

"You stalked me?" He smiled.

 

" _Everyday_ ," Ryan said carelessly, "I had to keep an eye on my boy, don't you think?" 

 

Tom nodded and leaned in to kiss him again, hugging his neck closer and licking his lips twice, "Well, he's not my boyfriend, we just fucked around."

 

The man pulled away quickly and frowned down at him, "You just _fucked_  around?"

 

He nodded and kiss him again distractedly, "It meant nothing."

 

"I hope it did. Or else," Ryan lowered his voice and moved his head to start kissing the side of Tom's neck hotly, "I'll have to claim you again; fuck you real nice and good, don't you think?"

 

Tom let out a soft breath and nodded, tilting his head to him him more space. 

 

"What did you do with your friend, baby?" The man asked, "I have to know."

 

He shrugged and bit his lips, "We just fucked once. Not big deal."

 

Ryan pulled away quickly and raised his eyebrows, "Not big deal? ?" He scoffed, "I think it is, mostly when I was the first one to have you like that,  _then_  someone else comes and — did you fuck him or did he fuck  _you_?"

 

Tom blushed, "He fucked me."

 

The man's eyes darkened slightly and his jaw tightened, " _Oh —_ and... did you liked it?"

 

He immediately shook his head and kissed the man breathlessly, "You were better. He didn't know how to— I came because I thought about you."

 

Ryan groaned lowly, "Of course you did. Look at my boy all grown up and experimenting around."

 

" _Ryan_ ," Tom moaned and grabbed on of the man's hand and guided downwards, in-between their bodies until it settled on his crotch, "Touch me."

 

"I'll make mine again, baby," The man muttured and palmed his hardness strongly, making Tom gasp and lift his hips.

 

"Yeah," He agreed quietly and placed his chin on Ryan's shoulder as he let him touch him and kiss the side of his neck and jaw.

 

Just when Tom was starting to moan softly, feeling the large hand wanting to sneak inside his pants, he hugged his broad shoulders tightly and opened his eyes and was about to close them again, but,  _oh_ _god_ —

 

The first thing that he found was his dad exciting the front door, with a trash bag on his hand, still unaware of the truck. Tom's expression changed into horror and he gasped loudly and pushed the man away.

 

" _Fuck_!"

 

"What—

 

"My dad is there," Tom said hurriedly and started collecting his thing and fixing his clothes.

 

Ryan frowned and turned around, before his face turned like Tom's and he cursed loudly, "Shit — get your things and agree at everything I'll say to your dad." 

 

The boy nodded quickly, and grimaced at the awkward boner that he was now sporting as Ryan rolled down the window (thank God they were tinted).

 

Just as the window rolled down, Tom's dad was already looking at the truck with a frown and walking to the sidewalk slowly.

 

"Hey, Dominic!" Ryan waved and smiled widely, hiding the nervousness.

 

"Oh," Dominic smiled and waved back, "I was sure that I knew that truck from somewhere."

 

"Y-yeah," The man said as Tom opened the door and got out, "I just—"

 

"Hi, dad," Tom smiled awkwardly, when he appeared from behind the car; he watched Dominic's smile fell a bit as he looked confusedly at him, "Ryan dropped me off."

 

"Yeah," Ryan nodded, "It was raining pretty bad and I found your kid walking around here, so I gave him a ride."

 

"Yeah," The boy nodded and sighed nervously, hoping that his dad won't notice the foreign sweater.

 

"Oh, Ryan," Dominic smiled again and walked across the street until he reach the truck and held his hand up to stretch it with Ryan's, "Thank you for bothering, mate —I really appreciate it."

 

"It's really nothing," He shook his hand and smiled, eyes flickering towards Tom who was staring at them hesitantly.

 

"Thank you, Ryan," His dad said and reach out to bring Tom close by hugging his shoulders, "What do you say, darling?" 

 

"Thank you," Tom smiled shyly and sent the man a knowing look, before blushing, afraid of getting caught.

 

"Don't worry about it."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos?❤

**Author's Note:**

> Comment your thoughts<3


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